I am so excited that you have joined me in the quest to discover an anxiety free life. My name is Liz. I am a wife, a mother of 2 children and a freelance web designer and programmer. I wanted to create this blog to hopefully share with others my stories in hopes of helping them overcome their social anxiety.
Social anxiety is the fear of being in social or public situations. Social anxiety does not mean you cannot have a social life. It just means that when you are in a social situation, you may have feelings of anxiety, emotionally and/or physically. You may even have a panic attack. If you have enough anxiety, you may even become agoraphobic and fear leaving your own house.
I have spent pretty much of my life suffering from anxiety and social anxiety. And yes, I even became agoraphobic for awhile. Ever since grade school, I can remember doing everything I possible could to prevent myself from being in the spotlight.
My anxieties peaked when I went to college. There, it was very difficult to prevent myself from being ‘exposed’. Thinking back, I can remember clearly college professors telling me that I would fail if I refused to give those dreadful presentations required for a grade. And I did fail two classes, English, and Marketing, due to refusal of giving a required presentation. That was just the first semester! Twelve more to go!
I ended up dropping out of college after that first semester, and came home. It was too embarrassing, let alone too expensive to stay and hope that I could get through 4 years of college.
After a few semesters off, I figured I would try again at the much cheaper local community college. I was doing very well being an “A” student. Then there it was … for a final grade, “All students must research and PRESENT a report of any ‘how to’ topic of my choosing…“breathe Liz!”
I did get up there to do the presentation, but it wasn’t minutes into the presentation that I froze. The attack started coming and I became flushed, my heart started racing, I was dizzy, and had this overwhelming feeling as if I needed to run away as fast as I could! Except the floor apparently needed me more. Yes, I had fainted. Humiliated upon waking, I ran out of the room. The teacher followed and demanded I return to finish. I refused, left the building and quit college that day. That was my last day of college and I never returned.
After years of trying to live with anxiety, and began to suffer from agoraphobia – fear of leaving the house. My anxieties was affected my ability to be a parent. Who can be an effective parent if they are too scared to even leave the house?
Eventually, I went on medication. First Zoloft, then Paxil and stayed on medication for about 4 years. I hated it. It did help me, yes, but I became a zombie. I was miserable, and had no emotions left in me. Who wants to live like that? I will admit that medications allowed me to get through tough, required situations like well child visits, and preschool functions. The medications are suppose to stop anxiety, allow people to experience the situations they fear most, and train the brain to know that nothing is actually going to happen, and there really is nothing to fear, which then allows you to cope.
I went off the medication about seven years ago, and have just been dealing with anxiety. And on very bad days, I just stay home. I guess you could say that’s why I have made my full time job at home. I don’t have to deal with social anxiety if I work at home, right?
I won’t bore you with ALL of the details of every panic attack I ever had… we would be here for awhile! But, I do want to share with you what happened to me last year, a week before Christmas.
I had been having a really great day, with very little anxiety. I was home alone, working for a new client building his website, when I felt strange. It was as if a wave came over me, almost like a hot flash. Then the dizziness came, and my heart started pounding harder than it ever had before. Over the next several minutes, my breathing increased, my heart was pounding more and more, and I felt I would faint. I was hyperventilating. I had never hyperventilated before! My blood pressure had skyrocketed, as well as my heart rate. Sacred that this was the big one, I called 911 and was taken to the hospital. They did every test possible, and found that nothing was wrong with me! Nothing?
My doctor ordered me a holter monitor to wear for 24 hours to see if something was wrong with heart. I had several of these episodes while wearing the holter monitor, but the holter monitor came up with nothing – except my heart rate increased. I was put on metoprolol, 25 mg, once a day, for slightly elevated blood pressure, and to help control the spikes that I kept having. The medication worked and my blood pressure and heart rate got lower. But still, every now and then, my blood pressure and my heart rate would spike, and there didn’t seem to be anything to trigger it.
I started to research every possible medical condition that I could have that would cause all these debilitating symptoms. I searched for tests that the doctor could have forgotten to give me. After a month of wondering if I would have a stroke, or a heart attack, and numerous negative result medical tests conducted by my doctor, I came to realization that:
1. Yes, I had hypertension, which I was being treated for, which was working except for occasional spikes.
2. I have social anxiety that was not being controlled by the medication – I thought I was over this, and why I having anxiety symptoms while home alone in my safe zone?
3. I needed some help, unless I wanted to go back on zombie producing anxiety medication – Not an option for me.
So I turned to Google – and searched for anxiety related information, and a way to stop the madness. I found this website called Panic Away, created by a man named Barry Joe McDonagh, who also has suffered from anxiety. Barry has come with a method to stop anxiety attacks from occurring, and if they do occur, special techniques for getting through them quickly, without medication.